On rules, and their exceptions
by Ai'Kirai
Summary: In which the terms love and hate are mixed together, and it takes Deidara a while to realize he is confusing the two of them. TobiDei, drabble.


If you don't like TobiDei there is nothing that obliges you to read this.

Disclaimer: no own on my part.

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It is a truth hard to deny that if a person truly loves you, and shows it, you'll have a hard time finding it in yourself to hate them. Try as you might. Now, for most that might prove true, but most people are not Deidara. The Akatsuki member is perfectly capable of hating someone _solely_ based on the fact that they do love him.

The reasons for this quirk of his are debatable, but should someone suggest that it's because Deidara doesn't believe himself deserving of love the artist would, on one of his better days, settle for scoffing at him. On a worse day they would have to search for the scattered bits and pieces all over the shinobi countries. Deidara does not lack confidence. He isn't some angsty teenager wading knee deep in self loathing. And anyone daring to suggest otherwise…well, they've just deserved a round of C4 clay as far as Deidara's concerned.

On the other hand Deidara does consider himself to be fairly evil, and if goodness is a criteria for being allowed love from another human being then, probably, Deidara will not be making himself deserving of it any time in the nearer future. And he is perfectly fine with that. Deidara could never be bothered with playing good after all, not since he was a little kid figuring out that channelling chakra into clay made for very interesting explosions. Nah, being good has never interested him nearly as much as blowing stuff up. Too many don't's and not enough do's. It takes energy and patience to always consider the repercussions of your actions. _'Don't blow that village up, it has civilians in it'_, _'Don't kill that man, he has a family'_, _'Please don't eat that cake senpai, I was saving it for later'_.

And now his mind's starting to sound like Tobi. _Great_.

Which brings this back to where we started, to the fact that Deidara is fully and without effort capable of hating someone who loves him so much.

Because Tobi loves Deidara, there is no doubt about that. And Deidara hates Tobi for it. Never mind the reasons, because hate doesn't always make sense. Hate is in the little things as much as the big things. It's in the way Tobi waits for him when he returns from the occasional solo mission (ones that Deidara almost ended up begging Pain for so he can get a breather from his new team mate. Almost, because Deidara doesn't beg). It's in the way Tobi says _'partner'_, with that tinkle of a laughter that could shame a singing bird, _that God damn laughter_, making the word sound more like an endearment than a title. And it's especially in the way that he insists on massaging Deidara's aching shoulders when they cramp up in tension, despite the fact that the very reason for that tension is the orange-masked idiot.

Deidara hates hating Tobi. He hates the fact that he hates him so much because the emotion is starting to border obsession. It is no longer a mere preoccupation with the doings of that fool, a twitch in the corner of his eye when he's standing too close. It's turned into a full-blown obsession with the very way Tobi moves and talks, a hollow burning in the pit of his stomach when the man is standing too far away. And it's all so confusing to Deidara, because he's never felt something this intense. It's new and it's utterly incomprehensible, but he opts for summing it all up to a higher level of hate previously unknown to him. He guesses it's because Tobi's just that annoying and hate-inspiring.

It's all Tobi's fucking fault, anyway. Now Deidara can't sleep at night because he's so busy hating on the guy. Now he can't even focus on making his clay bombs, because he can't stop reminiscing about the way Tobi's hands feel too warm against his skin when they knead the muscles below. And that feeling is far from comfortable. It makes his skin crawl (_tingle_?) in something raw and unbridled and the burning in his stomach turn into a scorching.

It's Tobi's fault that he's beginning to question if this really is hate. At some point he stopped imagining how he wants to shove Tobi up against a wall and strangle him until he turns interesting shades of purple. He still fantasises about shoving him up against walls, but what he imagines happening after that has become something of a more…sexual nature. He imagines his hands taking different paths. Imagines pulling that mask down and touching the face behind it. God but imagining is all he ever does.

Deidara doesn't know when it turned out to be this way, and he can't even begin to imagine what caused it. It's Tobi after all, and for all that Deidara doesn't he really _should_ despise him. The man is the epitome of annoying; zero concept of personal space and an affliction for getting too involved in the lives of others.

Should hate him, should loathe him, should at least try to do so. But the hate flew out the window at one point or the other, whispering promises to never return.

Deidara is still the kind of person who is capable of hating someone who's had the audacity to love him. That is a rule that will never change.

He absolutely hates how Tobi has turned out to be the exception.

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More pointless fan fiction from me. One day I _will_ write something that actually contributes to a fandom, but until then this is all I post.

Written because I miss old times when Tobi was just an adorable goofball, perhaps with a debatable identity but at least slashable with Deidara (IMO. I'm perfectly aware that TobiDei is not everyone's, or even most fans', cup of tea).

The drabble contains at least one tribute to/borrowed expression from /~Slytherinett. Let's face it; she's one of those authors that have the ability to write lines that just stay with you. Should you happen to like AkuRoku in general, and AkuRoku smut in particular, I suggest you give her fic' End of Summer a try.

Reviewing would make you guilty of putting a smile to my face, just an fyi ;)


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